Let’s say you have found your favorite movie. You feel like you’ll never get tired of it. Every time you watch it you see something new. That being said, how often do you watch this movie?
Can you imagine watching your favorite movie every single day? It’s not as fun, and it gets boring. You now know everything about it and there’s no need to watch it anymore.
Now, let’s take this analogy and put it into a perspective of a lover. You found a beautiful person in your life, and you are motivated to learn as much as possible about this person.
You decide to move in with them. You see each other every single day. After a few months, you get tired of each other and someone may feel suffocated.
Anyone in a relationship needs a sense of individuality. When living with someone we need to make sure to make time for ourselves.
Esther Perel, a social psychologist, gives a TED talk that depicts The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship. She states boldly that people are attracted to confidence, individuality, and aspiration. We want people that are able to function independently.
By giving your partner space, they have the opportunity to miss you. Texting someone constantly, or badgering them about household duties may be unsexy.
Tips to Rekindle Desire
- Be Mysterious. Don’t feel the need to tell your partner everything you do. Instead of announcing your daily routine just hint that you’re going out. If your partner questions you, obviously tell them where you’re going. By withholding a few details during the day there’s more to talk about later.
- Cut Down on Texting/Calling. This sounds a bit cruel but try to not pester your partner for a while. This can give them the ability to miss talking to you later in the day/week.
- Do something special once a week. Of course, you live together and you see each other every day. But really try to make a date night every Friday. Having a stable weekly activity will keep a healthy foundation for communication in the relationship.
- Surprise Your Partner. I’m not talking about parties or gifts. If there is something to do around the house that he/she has been talking about for weeks, set time in your calendar to do it without being asked. After you’ve completed the task tell your partner. Don’t worry if they don’t respond the way you’d like. This is merely to make their life easier, as well as yours. (Making their life easy, makes yours easier)
Remember that a relationship is about two individuals coming together to better one another. You are your own person with or without your partner. Make that clear and you may be able to reestablish desire in the relationship.
If you liked this post I recommend reading: I Want You but I Don’t Need You